Up to now, you have been presented with this picture:
Women multi-task and men don’t. In multi-tasking individuals, communication is spread between the different levels – like the levels of a house; some happen at ground level and some happen below or above ground level.
With women, it seems to be that there is active control of how much communication effort is spread across each of the different levels. All the time, all levels are active.
When the situation calls for it, they have the ability to channel more effort on one level and less effort on the other levels. This situation might be for an instance where they have to focus intently on a particular task. While this seems like a good mental structure to have, the limitation is that they cannot switch off a communication layer. At best, they can only minimize it for it will still be in their active thoughts.
With men, we operate in single storey houses and are oblivious to the fact that other levels even exist.
Then one fine day, we see what looks to be an outline of a door in the kitchen and wonder if it had always been there. The curiosity gives way to action and we turn the handle, open the door and see that it leads to a room in the basement. We walk down to the basement, turn on a light and see an empty room. At this point, we have become aware of another level of communication in our mind.
What causes this awareness of this room? I don’t know. For me, it happened around the time I turned 40 when I had the epiphany about how male and female communication patterns were culturally different. Age certainly seems to be a factor but it’s not the only variable as I have observed and interviewed older guys who still don’t see anything.
Being guys, we start to fill this room with stuff. First goes in the six pack – as it’s cool in the basement, then comes the pool table and the entertainment unit and couch and before very long, the room is packed with stuff.
You’re now wondering where I’m going with this. Well, consider the guy who’s just married and has his mother on one side and his wife on the other. Both women are using multiple communication channels and are sending messages back and forth to each other all the time. However, much of the communication is unseen and not felt by the guy and the women may also not realize this.
Consequently, guys feel nothing of the subterranean shock waves that one women is sending the other and vice-versa. From the guy’s perspective, you’re both women [and he doesn’t understand either] so if you have a problem, talk it out and settle it. Yeah. That isn’t going to happen.
Younger guys don’t see the door and aren’t aware of the empty room as they are just discovering parts of the house, on the surface. When a usually more mature guy has just discovered the empty room but it is still empty, his reaction is understandably the same as the shock wave sent by one woman to the other, doesn’t cause anything to vibrate.
With a six-pack in the room, the same shock wave now causes some rattling and him discomfort and he starts to build a connection between this new feeling and the presence of his mother and wife in proximity of each other.
When the room is now packed with stuff, that same shock wave feels like an earth-quake as things rattle around, fall on the floor and this causes him major discomfort! His reaction? Flee!
He flees as he’s in great discomfort and while he now knows what’s causing it, that’s his only viable strategy.