(Neptune, most of us see chaos in it. The discovery of this planet is coupled with the invention of anesthetics, hypnotherapy, etc. But the inventions do not explain how we cope with chaos; how we could see through the illusions; or how we swim with it. Many will see religion as a closer, sorted version of it. Below is an intimate investigation.)

We equate limitlessness to the beings higher than us. So, temple is where we go.
It’s not that you are unable to contemplate the other-worldly side of the temple.
The isolation and the authority you have sensed there, frivolousness seems to be naturally wearing off itself. And by kneeling over, by offering respect and praise, we are here to believe salvation is on the way.
But did worship put us on a secondary level of existence while acknowledging the lack of means and the innate inferiority embedded in us? From this practice of worship, it seems that the real way how salvation works is in a constant cycle of requesting, obeying, and amending, while you find it the most familiar and helpless.
What’s left outside the temple then?

It turns out that there are decentralized religions, there are indeed religions in which we have a say, and creativity is one of the ingredients.
We decided to look at this community closely, spending time to get to know them.
You opened up with your past mistakes and reflections, and you were honest about the ignorance sometimes you displayed, never expected the spiritual community, though welcoming your individuality, already have each territory marked, in no way less than demanding your obedience.
Then the closer you look at it, the more disappointed you are at the surprising familiarity it illustrates.

What went wrong?
While we make our way to depart from the mainstream recognition and practice, it’s indeed liberation we seek.
But I don’t suppose that those seniors invented their practice out of nowhere.
Since the renaissance cannot be relived at our will.
Thus the passing down of knowledge is relied upon. They studied historical sources; They also studied with a few seniors of their time too.
Followed by years of practice, trial and error, and validation along the way.
Confidence and authority were built up. And Boom! Here is an apple that belonged to Eden.

Sure, authority is necessary when you are defending against ill-intended ones, which is as justifiable as setting your boundaries.
Yet among those who challenged your authorities, do you ever identify them with egos?
If your own identity can no longer separate from what you set out to show the world, does everything look personal? Does it make your practice and holy objects absolute? Are you becoming the Pope you were trying to depart from at the beginning of the journey?

So I get it now, salvation comes from the boundary we are able to set between who we are and who we are to the world.
What we failed to see in the chaos is the mutability, the undefining nature of ourselves, by which, we are so often feel threatened by the unpredictability.
Chaos is within us, the different roles you play in this life, the exotic love stories you are part of.
You already know how to enjoy, and you already know how to learn.
With the boundaries so innately set in your inhaling and exhaling.
There is no answer to be searched but only one life to be experienced and lived.