Part 11 – The Extensions of “Me”

The concept of me is all that makes the individual distinct, at least in their own mind.
It is a sense of who they are to themselves and to others.
The concept of me is different for males and females.

With males, there is an unconscious tendency for them to extend it to both animate and inanimate objects. When this is done, the individual doesn’t see a distinction between what is actually him and what are the extensions of him as the latter get lumped as him.
Let me give you some examples.

Animate objects here generally refer to people. When a male is in a relationship with say, a female, the female at some point becomes an extension of him and consequently is assumed to have the similar aspirations, thoughts and logic as he does. In a way, this is largely due to cultural projection however the difference here is that he believes she is an extension of him.
This belief persists till the female reprimands the male. At which point, his conscious mind is jolted and he separates himself from her, in his concept of me.

Inanimate objects could refer to things like cars. Shockingly, some males regard their cars or vehicles of mobility as extensions of themselves and their bodies, sometimes like a second skin. Some may even personalize their vehicles to how they feel or how they like to be perceived. If a male’s vehicle makes a sound that is different that what is is used to, he is surprisingly very attentive to the sound and will go to great lengths to diagnose and correct the problem. To him, it is almost like a body part is malfunctioning and he is seeking medical help.
If the male is teaching another person to drive a car, he may utter an instruction that makes some sense to a male but serves to confuse a female. One phrase commonly used is “feel the car around you” as it denotes that the car is a part of the individual – which might be true for a male but certainly isn’t even remotely true for a female.

The female concept of me extends to inanimate objects such as clothing and fashion accessories. The “me” concept doesn’t generally include people as they are separate to the individual and are individually managed as opposed to being extensions of the individual.

The exception being things or people they create as these then are regarded as “me”. Mothers, for example, regard their children as extensions of themselves while women in general see work they produce, be it in anything from art to cookery, as parts of themselves. When these things they produce are then subject to close scrutiny and criticism, it is as if a personal attack has been done on their person.

Males can separate themselves and not encompass another into their concept of “me”. Women have a much harder time trying to do this.

Why do males have this tendency to categorise more things as “me”? I suspect that it is an adaptation or coping strategy when dealing with a large amount of information and limited cognitive resources.

Part 12 – The Gaze

Gazing into the eyes of another person conveys meaning.  However, the male and female brains process, transmit and decode messages differently.  Within groups of males, gazing can sometimes be misconstrued as staring which might then degrade to an assertion of dominance. Then other behaviors are generated as these males try to ‘settle things’ a.k.a. a fight takes place.

With females, gazes and glances convey much richer meaning and entire ‘conversations’ may happen without a single spoken word having to be uttered. Males seem less capable of communicating this way, by comparison.

Let me provide an example. A woman enters a room with a mix of men and women. The women in the room all look at her from top to bottom, then assess her and through a series of glances, nods and eye movements, discuss this women and come to some common agreement.  The men will also look at her from top to bottom but will then get vocal with each other, possibly as they size up their individual chances of engaging the women.

Gazes are viewed as deliberate acts that convey meaning so ‘stray gazes’ affect people.  Clarification is often sought, when women look at other women ‘accidentally’ and confrontation results when men look at other men, ‘accidentally’.

Part 13 – Types of 1st comparisons

Comparisons are a form of mental processing that tap onto our schemas and attitudes. The 1st comparison that we make in some situations seems to be connected to how our brains are wired.

I encountered a situation several years back where I made a remark that involved comparing an attribute of one person with another. One person was a friend with while the other was a person who was not in their alliance. Not realising that I had caused offence towards my friend, I repeated it and was promptly told to, “shut up!” to which, I changed the subject.

Fairly recently, a similar incident with a similar response, though involving other people happened that caused me to rethink the circumstances surrounding both that event and the one before. For the latter experience, I had after the fact realised that the remark was accusitory on my part towards my friend as I was making light of the situation, at their expense. I have since apologised to my friend.

Examining both my thoughts and that of my friend, I discovered that there was a marked difference between how the two of us perceived the remark.

The remark went a bit like, “they’re putting almost zero effort in…just like you did years back.”.  I was comparing behavior and I had inferred that it might be tied to a similar thinking behind the behaviour.

How is this 1st comparison different in the minds of males and females?

With males, if specific behaviours are being compared and relate to us, we’d likely focus on the attributes of the behaviour and perhaps talk about the thinking behind it. In a lot of circumstances, it could be related to a feeling that we might be experiencing at that moment.

With females, there seems to be a tendency to dismiss the behavioural presentation and instead compare the physical attributes of the other female to themselves.

The male perspective wouldn’t even consider that as a possibility whereas with the female perspective, it is almost a foregone conclusion.